Human-Being

When I was younger, I had a powerful voice. I had strong opinions. I knew what I thought and shared it. In fact, I shared my thoughts on every subject. Yours, mine, ours, theirs- I had opinions!

At the same time, I didn’t know who I was (at my essence core). Those oft-shared opinions were untethered to my deeper knowing of Self and Source. I think that is why I got push-back: “Bossy.” “Know-it-all.” “Give someone else a chance to answer.”

Over time, that power and that voice faded. It became my weakness, my wound.

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I moved to Colorado in the early 1990s and began my quest to learn more about myself and to grow. I lived in nature. Away from the numbing of the TV and onto the trails that wound through the mountains, I hiked and biked and skied myself into a new sense of self and knowing.

The trees whispered to me of softness and release. The streams sang to me of fluidity and love. The animals chattered me of connection and movement.

Spirit became synonymous with these things - softness, release, fluidity, love, connection, movement. My Piscean nature agreed, “This is spirit. It’s lofty and lovely, expansive and undulating, deep and vast.”

I married, had kids, created community, and shared from this place of spirit. My connection to the divine (Earth, nature, family, community) had been strengthened by practices and training, supported by mentors and guides. I started to know who I am at my essence core.

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And yet the wound remained. I could touch into love and grace, but the wound was always there. And it had a message. That message: Don’t get too loud. Don’t be too much. Don’t push too hard.

Underneath this message: Don’t fully show up in this human realm. Stay in the ethereal love place. Avoid that whole messy ouch-y place. My wound was asking me to bypass it, to pretend that it wasn’t there. And that bypass kept me from fully receiving that love and grace into my human experience.

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I spent years building the bridge between these places - between the human and the spiritual. In order to start the process, I held questions like possibilities. Questions like:

What if I could could learn that my wounded place (my power and knowing and ability to share that through my voice) is not a drain, not a place of shame and sadness?

What if I could realize that my voice and power is a place of healing and opening?

What if I connect that place to the unbelievable resource that I feel in the Universe (the angels and guides and stars and beauty and trees and oceans and aligned communities and Source)?

And the questions started to open me up. I tended and listened and loved and grieved. Tendrils of light caressed this sad and powerless place. It healed bit by bit. The lofty, lovely, expansive, undulating, vast, deep world of Spirit started building a bridge to my inner place of power and strength. And my place of power and strength reached out to the ethereal realms.

These past few months, since the solar eclipse in August, this process intensified. Not only had my wound begun to heal, it became a place of support, strength, and resource. My sense of power and voice grew and strengthened (and continues to do so).

This wounded place was no longer only a place that needed light streaming in to heal it. It became a bright light itself. One that leads me, shining light elsewhere (within and around me).

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Right now, Universe is offering us all an incredible gift. Our wounded places, as they heal, are becoming available to us as sources of support. They begin to radiate knowing, power, love.

It is not merely in my inner world. This potentiality is being held out to all of us as a precious offering.

For me personally, I now need to tap into that place (that sense of internal strength, that wound-turned-healer) before I can even access the stars and trees and ethereal beauties that were once my anchors. From there, I see even more clearly that it is all divine. The pain and sorrow, the joy and connection, the big and small, the light and dark, the humanness and the being-ness.

And together, the Me that is Human and the Me that is Spirit, turn to meet the world in all of its beauty and all of its pain.